Elaina M. Roberts
“All I really want right now is to finish this” he emphasized the spoonful going into his mouth. “And go to sleep.”
“I do not make him miserable.” Ben countered indignantly.
“We’re good to each other! How about why wouldn’t he want to be with me? Why am I so scared of other people? Why do I care what anyone else thinks?” gesturing with his free hand.
Finishing up his fifth beer, Ben lounged back in his chair sprawling lean denim cover legs across the arm. Suddenly the fall weather didn't seem as cool, although he knew it wasn't the temperature that had changed. He unzipped his leather jacket fanning the charcoal grey T-shirt underneath.
David stood across the open piazza flanked by Blair and Neal. Ben hated going our with David’s friends. He always felt out of place and uncomfortable to say the least. Tonight he’d hoped would be a fun night listening to music and looking up into the stars, just him and D. Instead it turned into a non-stop bout of eye fuckery and flirting when they ran into David’s old college friends.
He wasn't exactly shocked. They couldn't go anywhere without running into someone David knew. He was outgoing with a natural charm. Ben could hear his infectious laugh across the square and see the wide smile Blair gave as she slide her hands up his defined arm. Ben’s eyes rolled so far back into his head he thought they'd get lost. Running his fingers through his blonde locks, his grip tightened with every inch Blair's hands moved. When her red tipped fingers began to play across David’s mocha skin, he had to taking a deep breath and release before he ripped his own hair out.
He'd never wanted to hit a girl before in his life but she was pushing it. Those arms she was pawing all over belong to him. Ben knew Blair wasn't a threat, no matter how much she tried. For that matter neither, was Neal. He knew David loved him. But he was naturally friendly and perceived everyone else’s kind words or touches in the same light. It didn't stop Ben from hating it and being a little jealous he didn't have the same ability. Neal belted out a hearty laugh before placing his own hand on David's other arm.
"Awesome" Ben muttered to himself.
Letting his head fall back, he tried to block out the drunken conversation of a pair seated on bench across from him. He let the twinkling lights above take him to his happy place before he vomited all the next person who got too close. His fingers finding the charm hanging from his neck, he absently toyed with the onyx heart. David had laughed when Ben pointed out the gemstone heart in passing. A week later Ben came home to find the necklace laying on his pillow.
"Why are you all the way over here Benjamin?"
Slightly startled out of his trance by the sound of a familiar voice, he loved the way David said his name even if it was in annoyance.
“Not feeling very social tonight."
"Shocking.” David answered in mock surprise. “I told them you had a headache."
Ben smirked "Not completely untrue."
Grunting David fixing his dark eyes onto the green ones starring back at him until he finally leaned over planting a kiss on Ben’s lips.
"Come on, lets go." Grabbing Ben by the hand, David turned to wave goodbye before leading them towards the car.
Ben felt like an ass watching David kick off his boots in a defeated huff before making his way to the fridge. He couldn't help being an antisocial freak and had always been envious of David's charm and presence. He could blend into any room, which usually attracted more attention than Ben was comfortable with.
"Sorry I ruined your night."
David let out a deep exhale. He sat the container of Strawberry Cheesecake icecream down before embracing Ben.
"You couldn't if you tried.” he smiled trying to ease the sullen look on his boyfriend’s face. “But I do wish you would be more open. You might shock yourself into having fun."
"I have fun. I'm just not a bee like you.” Ben’s voice muffled through David’s shirt.
David stepped back furrowing his eyebrows.
“Not B as in bitch, bee as in buzz buzz. Like bees go from flower to flower. Super social. They’re kinda the whores of the insect world really. Not that you’re a whore, just saying it makes more sense than social butterfly.”
“I got the analogy.” David shook his head going back for his abandoned container. “You’re a mess.”
“Sorry, I haven’t mastered the fake smile." Ben pulled up the corners of his mouth with his fingers.
"Why not? I do it with your parents all the time and they hate me." David managed with a mouth full of icecream.
Ben followed behind the large man making his way towards the bedroom. "Well they fucking hate me too what do you want!"
Sometimes David's zen was a good contrast to Ben's easily riled nature. Other times it just annoyed him. Ben plopped down on the bed clothes and all. The sloshy feeling of liquid in his stomach reminding him swift movements were probably not the best idea. Suddenly feeling light headed, he closed his eyes trying to still his body and thoughts.
When he opened his eyes again, the woman standing beside him put Ben at ease. She was familiar though he couldn’t place her. He simply felt the kinship to her more than understood it. The pair walked into what looked like a grand ball room. Ornate light fixtures spanned the circular room. Red curtains hung in front of what Ben assumed to be doorways. Gold insignias lined columns from the hardwood floor to the chandeliers above. In the center was one large table. At the head, a beautiful women in a shimmering black dress sat watching. Matching dark locks perfectly draped her bare shoulders. Something about the air around her didn’t match the sultry pin up girl his eyes saw. She made him extremely anxious.
"Welcome." The word rolled off her tongue without a touch of warmth to it. The sound of her voice sending a cold chill up his spine. Ben searched his mind to remember how they’d gotten here. This not so humble abode was somewhere on the cusp of what he knew and what had yet to be discovered.
In this realm Pride reigned. Her children, the tools with which she exercised her power, we're just as infectious. Her first set, Lust, Envy, and Wrath were seated closest to her at the head of the table.
Lust and Wrath sat on either side of her. They mirrored each other, both possessing long black hair that framed youthful faces. Unlike his sister, Lust was the picture of beauty. Flawless, soft features housed grey eyes reaching into unknown depths to pull forth a bubbling desire.
Any beauty Wrath may have held was marred by blood red veins that flowed from the crimson pools of rage in her eyes. She was fire and fury dressed in a flesh costume.
Wild blonde curls playing across her head, Envy sat across from her sister Wrath. She donned her beauty like a cloak over her unhappiness. Her attractiveness was a match for her brother's, though where his eyes peered into his prey with growing intensity, her eyes portrayed a longing in their green hue. A desire never quite sated. She sat in uncomfortable silence, eyes fixed on everything and nothing.
Greed sat by Wrath's side. Jewels had become permanent fixtures covering blue flesh so that it no longer seemed to bear human likeness.
Next sat Gluttony. Taking in energy around her, she held a visible excitement her siblings lacked.
Sloth sat farthest from his mother. He didn't hold the same youthful appearance his siblings did. Skin wrinkled and leathery, time continued on, growing over him like moss over stone.
"This is your chosen?" Pride questioned, eying him as if he were gum stuck to the bottom of her pretty heels.
"Who will speak against him?" She looked to each of her children as she blew cigarette smoke through ruby red lips.
Hope reached out to the visibly shaken man. The long white scarf draped around her head, highlighting her bronze face, cascaded into a simple cloak. Contrasting bright eyes looked over at him reassuringly. Taking hold of his hand, she felt like a life raft in a sea of uncertainty. Ben felt his chest rise and fall quicker than usual. Even though he couldn’t put it into words, he knew why they were here.
"What happens when he realizes how much weaker you are?" Envy's words pierced through Ben like a dagger.
He opened his mouth to answer but no words came out. David was out of his league yet somehow he'd manage to snag him anyway. He was always terrified of the day when David finally opened his eyes and realized his mistake.
Pride smiled cruelly at the recognition in Ben eyes. Gesturing towards Envy, acknowledging the floor belong to her now. Rising from her seat Envy abandoned the safety of her familiars, making her way across the grand room. She stop just short of Ben, fixing her gaze on her prey of choice. Ben audibly gulped the saliva and fear culminating in his throat.
“Look I might not perfect but I”m still...”
"You’re fun for a while but you’re more work than you’re worth. There’s a reason he’d rather spend time with anyone else but you.” Lightly stroking his arm, Envy curled her arms around his replacing the void. Hope held tighter at his other side letting everything she had flow through him.
“That’s not true. We’re happy.” Ben forced the words as if he’d practiced them in his head.
“Are you? Why does he seem happier with them? Smoky make-up made her emerald eyes pop. He fixated on their likeness as he searched his mind.
"Your relationship is dying Ben. Even Hope knows it. Why do you think she brought you here?”
Ben turned to the woman beside him needing her to say something in his defense, anything.
“I brought you here but not to make you feel defeated. You needed to see her. She’s poison that seeps into everything you do. Don’t let her.”
“Other men, even women make him smile.” Envy continued yanking him back to attention.
“I know I need to work on somethings...”
“You make him miserable.”
“Dead weight he hasn’t figured out how to cut off yet.”
Ben’s eye widen, anger quickly replacing his fear.
“Even your family knows it. Bow out gracefully Benjamin. This was a last ditch effort. Why do you think...”
“Fuck you!” insulted, he snatched his arm back blinking away angry tears. “I might have my faults and yea we have our fights but I think I’m pretty great.”
Hope nodded smiling at him.
“Yea! I’m fucking awesome!” Ben said nodding along with Hope.
“You know he’s too good for you. Why do you think...”
“You think...”
“No bitch I know. This isn’t about David or his friends or even my family. This is about me."
Ben turned to Hope gleaming beside him. He knew the words were hers flowing through him but for the first time they weren't just words, he truly felt it. His eyes stayed on hers soaking in her strength as he spoke.
“She was right, I needed to see you. I needed to see that sad, selfish little child so I could finally let it go. So thank you. Thank you for showing me who I will strive to never be.”
Envy’s eyes still holding a touch of despair. “We’ll see.” she shrugged.
His eyes never left Hope's. Suddenly he couldn't feel anyone else's presence anymore.
Ben felt a breath hovering over his lips. Still trying to come out of his sleep induced daze. “Hey.”
He squinted at the sunlight peeking through their blinds. Still somewhat confused but couldn’t remember why.
“Where are you headed?”
“Remember we told Dan we’d have brunch with him today. And I already know,” David held up his hands “You have a headache or stomach ache or ass ache and you don’t feel like going. I can cancel if you want." David sat on the edge of the bed next to him grabbing his phone from the nightstand.
"Is that the place with the stuffed pancake thingies?"
"Yup." David laughed. "I can go meet Dan and bring you back some."
Ben sat up rubbing sleep from his eyes. “It’s ok. I’m up for it.”
